Jim was getting ready for bed, hoping as he brushed his teeth that tonight would be the night his wife would forget work and stay with him
"Wakey, wakey boys. Cupid is here." Lyla cooed to the five boys as she made her way down the basement stairs. They lifted their heads
No, no! Please, let me out of this cell, I'm not crazy! You don't understand, he will easily find me and kill me,I can't be locked in here.
Not a bad plot, but you use "as" for a transition WAAY too much.